Thinking about 2008
In my experience, New Year’s resolutions don’t hold much water. The commitments that seem so very manageable in theory prove very difficult in the dark, hectic days of January, and soon become just one more reason not to believe in ourselves. So this year, I encourage you to resolve not to resolve — instead, just count the blessings of 2007 and create some room for more in 2008.
How to create that room? Well, that’s a different process for everyone, but in the 20 years that I’ve been a privileged witness to the intimacies of other people’s financial lives, I’ve found that there are some common obstacles to true wealth. In the days to come, I’m going to post some of the ideas I’ve found worth considering — ideas that have enabled the people I’ve worked with to acheive their goals and live their richest life.
People that succeed at achieving their dreams do so, in part, because they’ve learned to reject criticism and other negative feedback.
Ultimately, both financial wellbeing and quality of life depend on our work, whether that ‘work’ is our primary source of income or the mission we feel called to fulfill in our one ‘wild and precious life.’ Enjoying and flourishing at that work requires a healthy amount of self-esteem, optimism and confidence: a sense that we have what is required to move forward and succeed. (Without that sense, we won’t have the courage and faith to reach for our dreams, or the strength to persevere when the inevitable challenges arise on the path.)
Criticism, if accepted, is a poison that damages self-esteem, optimism and confidence. But in Western culture, criticism is so widely accepted it is a profession. Well-meaning people offer criticism every day, and they do so because they think they are being helpful. They believe they know something that the person or organization they criticize does not know, and could benefit from knowing. (Criticizing is, at its heart, a way of elevating ourselves above the person or organization we criticize.)
A world without criticism would be a much more enjoyable world, but the truth is that world doesn’t exist yet. So how do we inoculate ourselves against criticism that would otherwise undermine our success? Here are some ideas that I’ve seen create wondrous results in the lives of ultimately happy and prosperous people.
1. Ultimately, any feedback on our endeavours offered verbally by other people falls into two categories: ‘this is my cup of tea’ or ‘this is not my cup of tea.’ Criticism is an indication of preference, and preference is personal. Though we often assume that other people feel the same way we do, we are equally often wrong.
2. Both positive and negative feedback can be equally misleading: numerous studies have shown that there is little correlation, for example, between the number of people who say they plan to buy something and those who actually do.
3. Even critics that are viewed as experts in a given field are stating their preference. While they may be more dangerous or helpful, due to fact they are taken seriously by other people, they are just as vulnerable to viewing a movie or a book through the lens of a bad day or a good date. (Some seem to be chronically morose, and others chronically happy — both have their fans.)
4. There are two kinds of feedback that can be relied on: your intuitive response to your own accomplishments and the money and time other people are willing to spend on or invest in your offerings.
5. Chronically negative people are ‘vexations to the spirit.’ They are also vexations to ultimate prosperity: just as healthy people avoid junk food and cigarette smoke, successful people limit the amount of time they spend with negative, judgmental, critical people. Instead, they surround themselves with optimists and enthusiasts, and harness that positive energy to transcend challenges and achieve their aims.
Tomorrow, read about ‘the right number’ — the income you need to be happy.